That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
