He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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