Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
