so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize