it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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