I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
