He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
