just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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