I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
a search helicopter?!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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