last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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