these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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