last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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