Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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