my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
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so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
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I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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