I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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