I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
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I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
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It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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