1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
