Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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