his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
