Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
