Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
