This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
