her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
