I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
