A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
