I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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