You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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