The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize