Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
