I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
