This is not my ceiling
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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