It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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