my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
