I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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