i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
