the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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