I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
