I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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