she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
