his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
