forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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