Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
