Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
