Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Are we still banned from the library?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
