there was a trapeze. enough said
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
