we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
