I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
