you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
