just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
