At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
