Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just googled if crying burns calories
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
