can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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