Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
