Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
