party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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