the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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