my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
