she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
