We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
