i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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