Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
