I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
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it was like fucking gandolphs beard
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
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Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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