ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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