Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
