just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
