I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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