You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
soo... how was my night?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
