So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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