what if every blade of grass was a penis?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
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I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
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When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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