I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
