Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
