They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
