she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
