Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
50% drunk capacity currently
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
