I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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