i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
