she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
