1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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