Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
