Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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