You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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